seems like everytime i am facing a dip in my pathetic love life i would always come back to my blog to write and find solace. does not matter what i really write..just keep writing in hope to let all the hurt and tears out since the existence of a simple delete button on mac book would be a much better option (but in my brain of course)
yet another year. yet another heartbreak. honestly this has to be the last for me till the next ice age. had enough to last me for this lifetime and i am surely running low battery on attempting to fight hard for love and romance that perhaps is just a myth and mist...
to be true to myself, i have definitely gave my best including twice my best in every love that i make and every love that i find, and fairytales were always like a dream come true which is hard to grasp in this cruel realistic world. by now i should have known...but i did not learn.
now it is time to face the truth and music. looking back at all i wrote a year and three months ago living in my fairytale that i waited all my life for .. as well as all you wrote and told about loving me, marrying me, building a wonderful future together doing silly stuff..the disappointment i discovered looking into your eyes and blank face was more than i can bear.
it was not about what you can give me. it was about why the change from last year till this year?have i not proven my love in actions to you and let you comprehend you are the world to me and the only one i want to be with?seems like things got reversed and the faith you once had and determination to hold my hands forever facing the world together got forgotten amongst many other things. you are my dream, all i want is to hold your hands and jump on you every night you come home, hug and watch you snore to sleep and wake beside you with a morning kiss.
i remember every word you say and every promise you made,how i topped your charts, but i bet you cannot even recall how we met, how we fell in love, how we made out, how we did everything together and make each other feel and how we want the whole world to see how cute and loving we are till the end of time.
then why did you tell me those things? why did you go out with me when i said i did not want to have my heart broken again?i trusted you. trusted your words that you were different and trusted that you would take care of my heart just like i did with yours.
it is hard to imagine such a intelligent and go getting you in your career would be so lost and blind in your personal life. maybe i am wrong to conclude that. maybe i am just in denial..that in fact you do not even love me at all. everything was part of me just being in a mime act all along...you once said you would choose to be with me over any postings and career, now we know what you chose.
all i asked for was a clearer direction in your life. you said you wanted to meet someone you would dream of and said it was me. then why do you not see me in your future even in the nearest future? life is pretty simple. you live x number of years. u accomplish x number of things; career, friends and family and find someone who is the right and hang on to him/her. we do not have that much time on earth to think so much and let the days go by...why not spend those precious days happily with that special someone? we both experienced losing our first love of our lives, why do it again?will there be a third chance you think? we meet many people everyday and love many along the way,but there is only you can choose to be with.
many things can be replaced and even more cannot be. u lose it u lose it forever. i have always stood by love and all i needed was some form of assurance..any..really that you can give me even just a word..and i will stand by you and love you again. isn't what that love is? you love, you reassure, you sacrifice. it does not come knocking on your door everyday and even if it does, the right one does not wait. right timing?yes of course... there is a time for everything and time has let us meet... but time also runs out faster than we know and by the time anyone is ready, they might be left alone.
there was one comment you put on my post..
LOVE HARD WHEN THERE IS LOVE TO HAD.. honestly..you did not even try. not even a sound showing me you are fighting for us..for me despite of all my ultimatums. this has to be my saddest day. to find out that you did not even care to fight but probably relieved i left.
is all love really lost? is it really all is left of us? only you would know...while i remorse in my deep foolishness being a firm believer of your words...