Tuesday, December 11, 2012


this day 12/12/12 was forecasted by the mayans moons ago to be the end of the world for all of our human race and other existence. whether this is happening or not is always food for thought ; so who will you want to spend it with on this last day of your short life on planet earth? who will be the one you want to hug and kiss and say goodbye and hold hands facing this immediate wipeout?

of course, we should have pondered about this everyday as life is so unpredictable. car crashes, murders, and even walking on the street with a coin falling from Empire State building might kill you without even knowing. 

we are surrounded by many people who stay or come and go in our lives. family, friends, acquaintances, strangers on the bus..it all matters in the social network that builds in our short 50-70 years of living and learning. perhaps we take our time, thinking there is much more time, but if the world ends now, do we even have time to think anymore?

3 more mins to 12/12/12, and i didn't need to think further. hope you all would think about it before you go to bed as we might not see tomorrow or even wake up to our usual routine. i have my answer, just one and only one forever the same. do you have yours yet?

happy 12/12/12...if we survive..

Saturday, December 1, 2012

gloomy not anniversary

today is the 1st of december. the first time i cannot say 'happy anniversary' to you. i hate it and i wished i can cuddle and sleep with you in this rain ... we spent 15months competing to see who would say 'happy anniversary' first...ha was fun isn't it?do u even remember the times we had?do u remember the kisses you gave?or is it just me thinking of you on this gloomy day?

cannot tell you how much i miss you but here i can say whatever i want...so i miss you miss you miss you and 'happy not anniversary darling....' hope this day is over soon...please...

Saturday, November 24, 2012

A thousand years...

heard this song we loved over the radio today and missed holding your hands humming to this tune together or when u sing the broken version with your guitar...

Heart beats fastColors and promisesHow to be braveHow can I love when I'm afraidTo fallBut watching you stand aloneAll of my doubtSuddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
(Chorus)I have died everydaywaiting for youDarlin' don't be afraidI have loved you for aThousand yearsI'll love you for aThousand more
(Verse 2)Time stands stillbeauty in all she isI will be braveI will not let anythingTake awayWhat's standing in front of meEvery breath,Every hour has come to this
One step closer
(Chorus)I have died everydayWaiting for youDarlin' don't be afraidI have loved you for aThousand yearsI'll love you for aThousand more
And all along I believedI would find youTime has broughtYour heart to meI have loved you for aThousand yearsI'll love you for aThousand more
One step closerOne step closer
(Chorus)I have died everydayWaiting for youDarlin' don't be afraid,I have loved you for aThousand yearsI'll love you for aThousand more
And all along I believedI would find youTime has broughtYour heart to meI have loved you for aThousand yearsI'll love you for aThousand more


Thursday, November 22, 2012

honduras,a tiny bit of heaven...

this entry seems a little outdated but it is never too late. decided to put it in as it is one of my most memorable trips with my boy friend then. Honduras, Roatan is a small little island off the main island which is just five hours away from Phoenix,Arizona which makes it seem so enticing and even more so when you enter this part of Central America.

we stepped into the airport with our red singaporean passports and stood in line,and when it was our turn, the officer looked and seemed not to know where this little country was on the map. he went into his office,grabbed a thick book of listed countries, looked through the whole list and still, there was no singapore. he definitely had a puzzled look while he just stamped our booklets letting us into Honduras which i thought was quite comical. 

we were picked up by our driver to our hotel on half moon bay island. it is on the west side of the island and supposedly it is more beautiful and less commercialized than the other parts. turns out that, the apartment we rent in Morrocan style was nicely done up and comfortable. went by to say hi to baby c (the security officer) and the lady who rented us our room for only $700 for 7 nights.

the next day, we roamed around this little island and was filled with fresh air but many mosquitos. rule was never to leave home without being armed with repellent...the beach was nice and calm but the sand was not as perfect as i thought. nonetheless it was beautiful and great to waddle in. 

later, we took a quick boat ride costing about $3 per person one way to the other highly recommended island called the west bay. it was a much bigger and longer beach with high end apartments and hotels and of course more 
half moon bay beach
pubs and restaurants..must say i love love the beach here as it is well maintained with fine sand and clear calm crystal blue waters.

west bay beach

all i did was to waddle in the pool all day and looked at little fish swim by while my bf drank his life away at the beach bars trying out local beers and tropical cocktails. that is what we call life. 

food i must say is not fantastic by far and it 
                          encompasses alot of simple western 
                          cuisines like burgers,fish and some 
                          not so great seafood. many come here to 
experience diving and we met quite a few who
ended up setting up their own business to 
live this beach bummer life. sounds great to me..haha..why not?  
in the next few days, we visited the butterfly park nearby which was small but interesting to see many south american parrots and birds. also we were taken to the town center to explore and try out the famous Honduran coffee that was so good we had two in a row!

town area

view from the coffee place!

we also went fishing with Baby C's friend and had a great time fishing for barracuda as well as many bonitos which fought till their last breath.unfortunately bonitos are not as tasty as they look..haha

it was also my first ever sea snorkeling session which i was initially really afraid of the deep blue..but with a life jacket and poms (my bf) holding my hands, it turned into a most amazing and enriching experience! we saw many crazily colored fish and coral and even a sleeping shark! our guide was even diving for conch for us (erm yes it is illegal so shhhhh!!!) and conch sashimi i tell you, there are no words to even describe it! sweet sweet sweet!!!and even when you take it to the restaurants, they would cook it any style you want..grilled...yummmmmm..cant have enough!!

of course, Baby C is also a great cook and host and he did a wonderful dinner for us using all natural ingredients from coconut to conch..it was a cahttp://www.roatanisland.netribean pot called the mccoy. our first local meal and man, it was not just great, it was so awesome we had many helpings. 

baby c,shadow and poms

nights here were simple and chill with bar hopping and beer drinking. only on fridays you would see hoards of people dressed up and dancing to loud latino music which added a different feel to the island atmosphere. 

 our other highlight of the trip was zip
lining which is a part of my bucket list. now to do it with the love of my life zooming down the lines across lush green rain forests hitting bugs with your helmet was rather a fantastic idea. 

but the best part was still me going 
'wee wee weeeeeeee' like the pig on zipline in the advertisement we saw on tv every night. 
haha what a dream come true!

 the best food in all this trip was at the Lighthouse restaurant where at least the seafood was well prepared and they have the most amazing seafood choppino i ever tasted across the continent. good enough for me to have it twice in a day! situated on the beach and water, it is a great romantic place to dine casually in flip flops and still see starfish lying around...

Lighthouse Restaurant!

of course, all in all, Roatan is a wonderful little hideout filled with fun and activities for any age and people are kind and warm. i really did enjoy this trip but most of all, the place is nothing without my loving bf who took me here for our 1st anniversary. Thanks poms for all the love you blessed me with this year. i really felt like the happiest girl in the world as you complete me. Happy anniversary and Love Love u forever and ever!!(hand action)!!!!

poms enjoying his favorite empanadas!


Monday, November 19, 2012

one last cry

sorry i do not bring a smile to your face anymore. hopefully, someone else more precious will more than i ever did. for now, i tried my best, did my worst, and you won. maybe sometime if fate allows, our paths would cross again and this time a happy ending, but for now, i just have one last cry.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Love hard when there is love to have

seems like everytime i am facing a dip in my pathetic love life i would always come back to my blog to write and find solace. does not matter what i really write..just keep writing in hope to let all the hurt and tears out since the existence of a simple delete button on mac book would be a much better option (but in my brain of course)

yet another year. yet another heartbreak. honestly this has to be the last for me till the next ice age. had enough to last me for this lifetime and i am surely running low battery on attempting to fight hard for love and romance that perhaps is just a myth and mist...

to be true to myself, i have definitely gave my best including twice my best in every love that i make and every love that i find, and fairytales were always like a dream come true which is hard to grasp in this cruel realistic world. by now i should have known...but i did not learn.

now it is time to face the truth and music. looking back at all i wrote a year and three months ago living in my fairytale that i waited all my life for .. as well as all you wrote and told about loving me, marrying me, building a wonderful future together doing silly stuff..the disappointment i discovered looking into your eyes and blank face was more than i can bear.

it was not about what you can give me. it was about why the change from last year till this year?have i not proven my love in actions to you and let you comprehend you are the world to me and the only one i want to be with?seems like things got reversed and the faith you once had and determination to hold my hands forever  facing the world together got forgotten amongst many other things. you are my dream, all i want is to hold your hands and jump on you every night you come home, hug and watch you snore to sleep and wake beside you with a morning kiss. 

i remember every word you say and every promise you made,how i topped your charts, but i bet you cannot even recall how we met, how we fell in love, how we made out, how we did everything together and make each other feel and how we want the whole world to see how cute and loving we are till the end of time. 

then why did you tell me those things? why did you go out with me when i said i did not want to have my heart broken again?i trusted you. trusted your words that you were different and trusted that you would take care of my heart just like i did with yours. 

it is hard to imagine such a intelligent and go getting you in your career would be so lost and blind in your personal life. maybe i am wrong to conclude that. maybe i am just in denial..that in fact you do not even love me at all. everything was part of me just being in a mime act all along...you once said you would choose to be with me over any postings and career, now we know what you chose. 

all i asked for was a clearer direction in your life. you said you wanted to meet someone you would dream of and said it was me. then why do you not see me in your future even in the nearest future? life is pretty simple. you live x number of years. u accomplish x number of things; career, friends and family and find someone who is the right and hang on to him/her. we do not have that much time on earth to think so much and let the days go by...why  not spend those precious days happily with that special someone? we both experienced losing our first love of  our lives, why do it again?will there be a third chance you think? we meet many people everyday and love many along the way,but there is only you can choose to be with. 

many things can be replaced and even more cannot be. u lose it u lose it forever. i have always stood by love and all i needed was some form of assurance..any..really that you can give me even just a word..and i will stand by you and love you again. isn't what that love is? you love, you reassure, you sacrifice. it does not come knocking on your door everyday and even if it does, the right one does  not wait. right timing?yes of course... there is a time for everything and time has let us meet... but time also runs out faster than we know and by the time anyone is ready, they might be left alone. 

there was one comment you put on my post..
LOVE HARD WHEN THERE IS LOVE TO HAD.. honestly..you did not even try. not even a sound showing me you are fighting for us..for me despite of all my ultimatums. this has to be my saddest day. to find out that you did not even care to fight but probably relieved i left. 
is all love really lost? is it really all is left of us? only you would know...while i remorse in my deep foolishness being a firm believer of your words...